Engaging parents and carers

I had been a teacher for 12 years before I took my daughter to school for the first time.  I'd been a head of year for over half that time and worked closely with parents, but there is no lesson like experience.  Having a children at school is an eye opener as a teacher, living the experience from another stakeholders shoes gives real perspective.  It took another five years for a teacher to greet me with their full name, it was a game changer for me.

At our annual #Embrace week, parents engagement is immense: it exceeds all other events in school and the feedback is overwhelmingly positive.  Parents watch their child give a speech on a subject that they are passionate about in our hall; it provokes all manner of reactions tears, laughter, surprise, empathy... mostly the parents say how much they would have benefited from an experience such as this:

Parents need inspiration, they are as much in need of acts that make them believe in the work of our schools and the commitment of teachers as students are.  Parents need encouragement, they are as much in need of seeing their real child in the process as we are; beyond the targets, statistics and accountability measures... beyond the teenage mood swings, homework battles and daily grind.  Parents are worried and anxious, which has been exacerbated by constant changes and a system in schools that they won't recognise.  They need the reassurance and help that students do.

Parenting is hard, relentless and repetitive.  It doesn't come with a manual; each child's idiosyncratic approach to life will test the parents' will and nerve to breaking points in their own ways.  It's hard and then they do go school and you are judged on everything they do...

It's a relationship based on mutual vulnerability, but personally I would reflect that it is much easier to be the teacher, than the parent.  I will never forget my sage first midwife telling me that I would in time gladly go back to being pregnant, that this was preferable to the child being on the outside.  I must have looked incredulous (I wasn't very good at being pregnant, it didn't suit me, I didn't bloom), because the midwife then said these fateful words, "From the day they are born you wear your heart on the outside of your chest."  And you do... 

Parents were also students once and bring a lot of what they experienced then to your table.  It's hard to return to a place where you did not thrive, harder still to believe that your child will be able to thrive and harder even still to give your child the confidence to be ok.  Like much of what we do as teachers, engaging parents and carers is fraught with the needs of the whole person when we're trying to be 'just teachers'.  I don't like these posters, but I get where they come from

I think what is helpful to remember is that you are the professional in the relationship; you have a professional duty to represent yourself and the school well.  If you can leverage the 'buy in' of the parent, you will have more leverage with the student.  When all the stakeholders work together (teacher/parent/student) everyone does better.

How do you do that? Here's my top 10:

1. Introduce yourself as a person, Bec Tulloch, not Mrs Tulloch, the teacher role you play.  Shake hands and ensure that you listen as much as you talk.  Use eye contact and talk with them as an equal.
2. If you are meeting to discuss a difficulty, talk to the parent first and only invite the student in when you are both in agreement about how to proceed.  Students do not need to see the two important adults in their life arguing.  Agree an action plan and stick to it, set a meeting/phonecall up in the near future to review what you've all done (parents get action points as well as students and you as the teacher) make sure you celebrate the successes and continue to address any remaining issues.
3. Invite them into school, share brilliant work on an afternoon or evening after school.  Use postcards and notes in diaries to promote the positives; see this as putting pennies in the bank with them before ever having to take any out.  My subject as a Drama teacher lends itself so well to this practice, but there will be ways for every single subject to do this.
4. Stay in regular contact via emails or blogs:  keep them informed about the plan for the term or the focus for work at home.  I love google classroom for this.  I blog most lessons in terms of class resources and suggest other places to go for further information.  Equally the 'in touch' function on SIMS is useful for sending quick messages home with reminders and advice.
5. Hold a meeting to brief parents about the next needs in your subject/area of school life.  For the Oracy work that we run in year seven, I always get myself a slot in the year 6 induction evening with parents and take students with me.  The students exhibit their jaw breakingly good skills, whilst I get to talk to the parents and ensure buy in for our week of speeches #Embrace.
6. Plot which parents attend parents evening by postcode.  Work out which areas of your catchment have the lowest engagement with school functions and then hold some functions in their area.  Use a feeder primary school or a church's function room or even the local pub's function room.  Run events that would make a difference to those children there: literacy catch up sessions, numeracy support sessions, homework support sessions - invite other agencies along to work with you.  Train the parents up to support the students at home, be open to helping them through resources, time and extension tasks: for example, a parents briefing on the #oracy or metacognition initiatives you are running in school.
7. In a telephone call, always ask if they have time to speak to you then and there and if they don't organise a mutually convenient time.  Be prepared to acknowledge and work around their busy lives as much as you need them to do the same. 
8. Give the parent and child time out together in school.  Be prepared to leave them in the room together and come back into the room at an agreed time.  The parent and the child need you to hear their story as much as you need them to hear yours; work with a view towards consensus and a better tomorrow.  Try to find ways forward, rather than retreading the wrongs of last lesson.
9. Show them the person, behind the role.  I often find myself sharing the struggles that I have had as a parent with my children; their struggles socially or my struggles with their schools.  You have to risk a little to get a little - faith breeds faith.
10. LISTEN.  Be open to their views.  They know their child, they may not have the answers for you as a teacher that you want, but they will give you nuggets of information about that student that will help you find the way in and in turn help you to safe guard the student's education or selves.  Try to hear where this family might need help, then make sure you share this understanding with all the teachers of that student.

I often find myself saying to students that I might not be able to change their world and solve all their problems, but I can safe guard their future through a strong education.  I can help them to understand the world better, understand themselves better and achieve more through their education.

You have the power to change lives through education through qualifications sometimes, but mostly, by helping them to learn to be themselves, to find their way.  Sometimes we have to acknowledge that school doesn't work for everyone, we have to search for the intelligent inconsistencies and the reasonable adjustments that this child and family need.

Just like it was when you were a teen the process is trying, difficult and tiring. 

Just like it is for you with your children and their teachers and as it was for your parents and teachers with you.

Be their professional, honest, kind and respectful teacher.

Stay in role enough to keep it together, but not so much that you become oblique.

Be the person you needed when you were young.

Be the person who sees their light, as well as their darkness.

I wrote this blog on the results day of 2018, this was my favourite conversation from the day with a student, whose parents I spoke to a lot.  Even when the results aren't all you'd hoped for, there is still hope.

Then I got this from a student later that night.  A student whose parents I was on first name terms with, whose best mark was in drama and who needed a good few intelligent inconsistencies, but boy, did he thrive! #oscarhopes