Perimenopausal? You’re far too young for that...

It crept up on me and I hid the struggle that I went through.

 

Looking back, that’s what stands out... so far.

In the whirlwind of bringing up two children amidst a full time responsibility laden teaching job, whilst caring for a dementia ridden mother in law and supporting a husband on whom this was severely taking its toll, I started to realise that I didn’t feel quite right and it went way beyond being part of the ‘squeezed middle’, between parents and children. 

I had vague notions that my sister and mother had gone through an early menopause.  Idealistically I was abjectly opposed to being ‘perimenopausal’, but irrefutably physically changing and struggling to manage the changes.  In a recent documentary for the BBC, Mariella Frostrup explored people’s perceptions of the menopause – ‘mad’ and ‘old’ were adjectives that featured heavily.  I didn’t disagree and I didn’t want to identify, I didn’t want this to be me – I wanted to be anywhere other than here...

But the evidence was mounting up and to be honest, I was starting to feel old and mad. These are the symptoms I had at that time: 

• ‘Brain Fog’ – I’ve never been good with names but my inability to recall names when I needed them was embarrassing.
• ‘Changes to your periods’ – I have always had heavy periods, but at points now was struggling to get through an hour long lesson with the heaviest protection available.  I was taking spare sets of clothes into school.  Worse, having been able to predict with absolute calendar detail when they would arrive, I suddenly had no idea. Hugely stressful.
• ‘Worsening pre-menstrual symptoms’ – At the time of the month, fury could consume me.  Anger is an emotion I was used to dealing with, but now I became weepy; I was so uncomfortable, give me rage over tears all the years.  I cried in public repeatedly and felt vulnerable permanently - repeatedly in staff briefing, in front of all my colleagues.  Repeatedly. People tell me I shouldn’t find it humiliating, but I did. I do.
• ‘Hot Flushes’ – I don’t think this term does them justice: imagine that all of your bone marrow has been replaced by red hot fire ashes, whilst you are standing in a huge fire and you’ll have it.  Remember, that it comes on instantaneously and uncontrollably – one minute you are fine, the next sweating profusely and trying to resist removing all your clothes.
• ‘Night Sweats’ – see above, but imagine lying in red, hot ashes, which your covers are made of... as is the air around you.
• ‘Difficulty sleeping’ – feeling like your body is on fire and sleep seem to be diametrically opposed. Weird, huh?
• ‘Joint stiffness, aches and pains’ – plantar fasciitis is highly associated with the menopause and yet despite seeing countless health professionals, no one had mentioned it.  I suffered for two years and had electric shock therapy before considering that I might be perimenopausal.
• ‘Palpitations’ – heartbeats that suddenly become noticeable, that beat out of my chest... my husband had a stroke in 2015, followed by the discovery of a hole in his heart so big that it required open heart surgery.  I hid it for fear of what it might be and felt really anxious...
• ‘Mood changes, such as low moods and anxiety’ – I am an anxious person, but this was crippling; I doubted everything and everyone.  My mind rarely at ease. Tears at the ready.
• ‘Weight gain’ – I gained over two stone, partly due to erratic life style choices and yet the weight gain was way out of proportion to the choices I was making. My clothes didn’t fit.

To recap and set the scene for the rest of the blog, by the summer of 2018 I was unable to remember most nouns, bleeding heavily, not sleeping and severe plantar fasciitis made every other step I took kill.  Every now and then I felt like my heart was beating out of my chest and my body burnt to dust, whilst my anxiety made me doubt everyone and everything, especially myself. My PMT was out of control, I suddenly spent a lot of time crying... oh, and none of my clothes were fitting so my self esteem was pretty non existent.  Life had become a permanent struggle.

By January 2019 I'd had enough, I went to see my GP, who administered a blood test, which showed high levels of the Female Sex Hormone*.  Everything about the language used for the perimenopause feels humiliating – ‘Sex Hormones’?  I wanted to deny it, but the results refuted it; normal could be up to 21 and mine was over 90, proof positive. At 45, I was early to be perimenopausal. Every medical practitioner I meet comments on it; ‘too young’ is the silver lining of this experience. I can’t remember the last time I was ‘too young’ for anything else... it was the only way I could talk about being perimenopausal** at the start, "I've gone into the perimenopause early...', I'd say as if this was less shameful. 

(*The FSH is also called the 'Follicle Stimulating Hormone', ask your practitioner to refer to it as such if, like me, it makes you uncomfortable - its the hormone that stimulates your ovaries to secrete an egg and causes PMT)

(**Check out the title of this blog!)

We discussed HRT and I was sent away with information to read and digest, but which I ignored whilst I buried my head in the sand, striving to survive.  By Easter, I knew I needed HRT and started the process: I would be fitted with a progesterone HRT coil and use a gel everyday to administer the oestrogen - an alcohol gel you rub into your skin.  I booked time off school for the appointments/recovery, but a month before became severely ill with acute tonsillitis, which did not respond to penicillin.  I was a wreck.

I remember, at one point, asking how quickly the hormones would work and being told it would be immediate.  FAT CHANCE, I thought. Vividly feeling trapped, knowing it would not change, cynically deciding that this was ‘it’ now; my new reality. Mad. Old.  I suddenly had grey hairs to prove it.

I was admitting the truth a little more by this stage.  It’s really hard to admit to being perimenopausal; when do you do it? What do you say?  My Headteacher said that I was ‘stoical’ in response. I looked up the definition; ‘enduring pain and hardship without showing one's feelings or complaining’ and was surprised. It felt like I was crumbling to dust visibly every day, clearly I wasn't and at the time, I took heart from this. I remember thinking that it was good that no one had noticed I was struggling - how wrong is that? In my eyes, it was ok to be perimenopausal as long as no one noticed, as long as I hid it, as long as I carried the burden alone... When you think of how women manage menstruation it's not a surprise, from the age of 12 I had been silently hiding the monthly struggle; it has been difficult to remove this mindset from the perimenopause, but I now believe we really have to try. It's too much to carry alone.

When they fitted the coil, it took a while after to get the gel as my BP was raised.  So as I started using it, I was being rigorous with myself about diet and exercise.  This certainly has had an impact beyond the drugs – I am taking better care of myself - yet I could not do it before the drugs, I’d tried and failed.

It turned out that they were right about HRT, you do feel better instantly and it grows and grows...  Now, don’t get me wrong, nothing about this is easy: having a coil fitted is painful; it leads to near constant bleeding in the early months as your periods adjust and lighten.  Just remembering to take the gel is difficult and it really has an impact if you do forget, but from day one, I started to feel more me and this has just grown and grown.

A colleague remarked to me recently that I had ‘more of my old sparkle’ back.  Another told me I was looking ‘different’.  This week, I returned to the menopause clinic as my coil was hurting me, I thought.  The consultant confirmed that it had caused an infection and set me on 14 days of two kinds of antibiotic, so it’s not been plane sailing and this week I have truly felt dreadful again. Yet, Dr Ghosh noticed what my colleagues also had, I am better.  She remembered meeting me in June, how I had cried, and cried, and cried, and said, ‘You’re not like that now, Mrs Tulloch.  You are much better in yourself.  You are not crying now.’

And she’s right.

For anyone feeling the same, I have found these sources helpful:

• https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/menopause/symptoms/
• https://www.amazon.co.uk/Making-Friends-Menopause-comforting-reflecting/dp/1505368014/ref=sr_1_1?crid=16B7GGJW7OM9&keywords=making+friends+with+the+menopause&qid=1580472039&s=books&sprefix=Making+friends+with+the+%2Cstripbooks%2C152&sr=1-1
• https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0bt4c3m
• https://www.express.co.uk/life-style/health/1234751/health-news-menopause-antidepressants-medication-menopausal-women

All the love to you, keep going, reach out by DM if you want to.  Moving forward, I think I will need to develop a school policy for supporting staff, who will meet the same; in one way or another this will hit all female staff, most commonly between the ages of 40-58.  The NEU has developed a model Menopause Support policy, here. 

I sincerely hope this blog helps teachers and leaders, it's helped me to write it. 

If you have finished reading this blog and are thinking I am brave to publish this, I'd urge you to question yourself - this will happen to one half of the population - why aren't we talking about it more?  Women should not feel ashamed, because they have hit the menopause. It shouldn't be a secret, a burden carried alone, a struggle that goes unnoticed.

We are enough as we are. There is no need to deny, who we are or where we are.

After all, the teaching profession needs us, so must learn to support us through this.

Behind the headlines - teacher well being

I got ill this term.  I worked through laryngitis and a cold for a week and a bit only to find myself with tonsillitis on a Sunday.  I remember joking to the students in year 10 about a year 11 who had needed one on one support and had complained about his sore throat.  Antibiotic scotches a bout of tonsillitis in a few days normally for me, but by Wednesday of the week before half term I was back at the GP, who gave me a longer course of penicillin, rather than the clarithromycin I had been taking.  I resigned myself to being ill for half of half term, but making the most of it when I was well.  Only nothing lifted, I was still ill.  The infection moved over to cover both tonsils and the roof of my mouth.  I went back to the GP who gave me a different antibiotic for rare infections (acute tonsillitis) and was very clear that if it did not lift in a couple of days, I needed to come straight back to her and might be looking at a hospital stay.  It lifted slowly by the middle of the week after half term.  20 days of tonsillitis left me with extreme fatigue and sky high blood pressure.  The word that best described the state I was in was 'depleted'.

I am, consequently, just starting the fifth week of not being in.  I haven't had this much time at home since maternity leave in 2008.  My blood pressure is still cresting above 110 for the bottom figure regularly, the normal level is between 60-80. My GP is insisting on continued rest at home and my mum is threatening to come and get me from school, if I go in against medical advice, which is what I want to do.  I am the only drama teacher in my school, I lead Oracy for year seven and all 225 of them are ready for their Oracy week where each student will give a speech on a theme that they are passionate about.  I lead 'Solution Focused Coaching' within school and am conscious that there are students I want to be working with one on one... There are many reasons why I would rather be in and only one reason that I am not: well being.

With my 20:20 hindsight vision, I can see with crystal clear clarity that this has been coming for a while.  I have been using work as a place to hide, seeking solace through being busy as my husband recovers from heart surgery following a small stroke, as he moves jobs to suit his new sense of self, as my mother recovers from a near fatal bout of meningococcal septicaemia, as she comes to terms with her debilitated right hand, as we provide the necessary care for my mother in law, who is progressing through the latter stages of dementia, as my children struggle with school, as my heel recovers from a severe bout of plantar fasciitis, as my ego recovers from a failed internal interview process, as I added copious assistant head role applications to my work load, almost punishing myself: throughout all this, school has been my constant.  A place where I can have impact on young peoples' and professionals' lives, where I can be the super hero and rescue others, where I can feel good about my professional capacity.  A place I really love, but where slowly, consistently I forgot about the need to look after myself.

I knew my work/life balance was completely off.  I was eating my feelings at home and relentlessly working so there was no time to exercise.  Where there was time out, I was so tired that it was as much as I could do just to sit and watch box sets of ER.  My work trousers were getting very tight.  I had no life: I ate, slept badly and returned to work the next day as quickly as I could. It was easier just to keep going, than it was to stop and make the necessary changes.  I remember a friend asking me whether I was intending to keep the superwoman act up indefinitely? Another asking me whether I actually wanted any of the jobs I was applying for?  I remember making a third hot water bottle one evening and wondering how long I could keep going for.

In the end, I kept going till my GCSE Drama year 11 class had sat their written exam on the afternoon of Friday 17th May.  I remember waiting for them to come up and tell me how it had gone as I supervised a year 10 rehearsal.  I remember the jubilation that the biggest struggle for each of them was the time limit, trying to work again as they left and not being able to focus.  I got up about 4.45pm, leaving my desk in a mess and thinking I could sort it all on Monday.  I remember my cleaner's surprise that I was leaving 'so early'.  I remember the car park was pretty empty already, then getting home and telling my mum I was 'shredded', that I was going to have a 'zombie' weekend.  I remember both of us laughing about how typical it is of me to be this tired the week before half term, my husband arriving and joining in. The tonsillitis struck that Sunday...

I haven't been back into school since.  It has been a salient reminder of the value of good health and the importance of doing all I can to make sure I am well first.  Blood pressure is a silent killer; it took my paternal grandfather's life with a horrible stroke.  A well balanced life is key to ensuring that my inherited essential hypertension (high blood pressure) remains under control.  I have had time to reflect with friends on quite how 'much difficult stuff' I have contended with over a number of years, how the strain has silently accumulated and knocked me off my feet.  I am going to be OK; my health is salvageable, I will feel better and be better at managing again.  I will work hard (!) to remember this lesson in looking after self first and hope sharing it helps some one out there to do the same.

Behind the headlines about well being, there is this one very simple rule.

 It's that simple and that difficult: you have to look after yourself first.  You have to, and whilst we do need to have a national conversation about the hours that teachers work, it will always be your responsibility to monitor how you work and how you live.  Ed Dorrell cited this OECD statistic in his TES editorial, we teachers work on average, 'a staggering and unsustainable 46.9 hours'; I can't be the only teacher that read that total and thought, is that all?  Measures need to be instigated nationally to reduce teacher work load, but day to day at an individual level, we all need to be responsible for ourselves and model best practice for each other.

If my 21 years in the profession have taught me anything, its that the job is always bigger than us; there will always be more to do on the to do list!  So, get savvy about what actually has impact, get good at prioritising tasks and be firm with yourself.  That and you have to take time out with those you love on the evenings and at the weekends.  You have to do things that you love, even in term time.  Give yourself time to have a life and in doing so get ready to go again at school tomorrow, because by prioritising your own well being, you make sure there is a tomorrow.

It's a message I wish someone older and wiser had told me sooner.

Collaboration’s heart is communication #Oracy #WomenEd

This is my talk from Lead Meet 3 at #WomenEd #Unconference 2018, only Vivienne Porritt’s exceptional time keeping skills are not here to keep me to five minutes so I have extended a little (!!) of what I said to cover my first unconference experience:

In September 2015, as my son started Junior school and my daughter started High School, I had decided that it was time to get back to focusing on my future by starting NPQSL. In hindsight I can see I can see I was trying to find my voice again after 10 years in part time posts and after a day with the #WomenEd tribe, I can finally accept this: I had other people’s definitions of me as a part time ‘mummy’ teacher in my heart and head.  I was a person who had irrevocably chosen her family over her career.

I found Oracy by chance, guided by the principle that anything I did as a whole school initiative had to be linked to Literacy. I’m glad I did as it became a process of real self actualisation. A program which gave as much to me as the professionals and students that have been involved in it.  The definition of Oracy is:

‘the ability to express oneself fluently and grammatically in speech’

There are two targets for our practice within schools

1. Classroom Talk 
2. Presentation Skills 

I outlined how it is incredibly easy to ignore the challenge of a typical day in school: I used the example of #unconference and the salutory reminder of how attending two ‘assemblies’ (Opening/Plenary) and four sessions was exhausting. At high school particularly, the skills needed to survive a day at school are assumed without teaching them: punctuality, organisation, focus, engagement, planning, evaluating, time management and, of course, talking, listening and literacy. Thus, my NPQSL initiative was focused on developing a discrete curriculum for year 7 oracy, developing a CPD program to improve the use of Oracy protocols in lessons and looking at whole school culture through assemblies. This was as part of an EEF pilot research program supported by School21/Voice21.

In school CPD has explored the divergent forms and purposes of classroom talk whilst delivering important INSET through the oracy protocols, focusing on:

• Groupings -
  actively using groupings to promote engagement in talk and have as many students engaged in talking as possible 
• Purpose -
  clearly identifying opportunities for talk and actively planning for them 
• Outcomes -
  clearly identifying, recording if required and reflecting on the outcomes of talk 

For example, we reflected on our OFSTED judgement through Harkness Discussion, we used roles of talk to explore the ‘Literacy Ladder’ and we have used the ‘onion’ to diversify an INSET on behaviour.

Classroom talk needs to be democratised: we are all familiar with the teacher who uses hand up volunteers, we are all familiar with the handful of students who dominate discussions with their contributions, we are all familiar with the child who gets through a whole day without saying a word. It limits the cognitive load, promotes inequality and diversity and yet it happens every day. Oracy teaching empowers every voice within the classroom through the environment we create and through clearly identifying the purpose of talk:

• The WHAT of the talk - considerations of content 
• The HOW of the talk - considerations of form and developed use of protocols that help talk; discuss ‘this’ is not a clear enough instruction 
• The WHY of the talk - considerations of the purpose of our talk and beyond this to the fundamentals of being an individual in a community. 

Beyond this, our oracy work targets talk scaffolds that build towards reading and writing - how through expressing our learning with our voice in our own words we begin to own our learning. Connecting talking and listening as the first steps towards reading and writing.

We value students individual voice and identity in our week of speeches from year 7, where each student earns their Embrace badge by focusing on presentation skills:

Your confidence in speaking publicly will be linked to your experience of speaking publicly, I always use the maxim in class that the first time the year 7’s cross our school gates they are highly aware of them, but by the time they are in lessons in October they do it daily without thinking about it. Talking publicly is the same, the more you practice the easier it becomes: the frequency with which you do something is highly linked to your confidence in doing it. Confidence is a muscle, the more you use it the stronger it becomes. The challenge for schools, therefore, is to find moments for every year group where every student speaks publicly. It’s what we are trying to do at our school.

I wanted the students words on the impact of #Embrace to shine here, but was rapidly running out of time so these lovely quotes did not appear in my presentation:

• “I said something that needed to be said, #Embrace gave me the platform to do this”
• “It was an opportunity to share something that was important to me”
• “It built my courage”
• “It feels like the school know me better having given my speech”
• “Not going out there and giving your speech, would be worse than the nerves you feel doing it”

I would urge anyone reading this to come and experience our #Embrace week for yourself. It is an amazing week: we have witnessed so many great speeches, but I referenced two that stood out to me from last year’s program. The first was a profoundly deaf student, who spoke about the gifts her deafnesses have given her, acknowledging all the good she sees in being deaf and in the process making the audience laugh and weep. The second a student who re-wrote Maya Angelou’s Rise poem with black female heroes at the heart of each verse - the final verse was about her mum who was sat right in the middle of the audience. Both speeches were fierce, brave and full of each student’s passion, perhaps what is more exceptional is that there were 208 other speeches that matched them. The program gives each student the opportunity to let their light shine and as they do they unconsciously give others the permission to do the same. It’s a marvel and a delight - we’d love to help you do it with your students too.

I was pretty much at the end of my time here but managed to say that Oracy is a culture based programme

• A community is defined by the way that it communicates 
• At the heart of real collaboration is real communication 
• No voice can be lost in a community that truly makes EVERY PERSON MATTER 

The future of those you teach will be decided by how they speak at interview mostly: If the students’ literacy can define their life span, Oracy defines your opportunities. I was very much out of time here, but wanted to convey the story of a mother who came to our first year of #Embrace speeches and was overwhelmed by her daughter’s efforts. The mother had not been applying to jobs with presentation tasks, but was so inspired by her daughter's efforts that she had decided she would now.

The anecdote shows that there are real term issues of losing your voice. In my family alone I have a son who did not speak till he was 3 and whose early primary years were thwarted with a lack of vocabulary - I struggle to sum up how hard the vocabulary rich classroom was for him. My daughter is a further example of how oracy is connected to well being as after a year 3 full of unkindness from others, she clearly communicated to her dad and I that she wanted to be ‘invisible’ and not speaking at all was the best way to do this. Beyond them I have a niece, Teren Brandy, who was, in her teens, selectively mute - she wrote a book, Alma, as a tribute to those struggles and which we now use in our Oracy program. Mental Health rests on being able to talk, to share how we feel - we must prioritise teaching talk to ensure well being both for the professionals and the students within our care.

Teaching is talking, we convey everything through our voices and therefore as leaders we cannot underestimate the importance of our colleagues' voices. At the start of every sharing for #Embrace I give a speech; I tell the students that I would never ask them to do something I wasn’t willing to do myself. We wanted year 7 tutors to do the same, but the refusal rate has been alarming. Teachers tell me that they ‘can’t’ do it. How strong are our teachers' voices in our schools? What does this suggest about their communities and collaboration? It seems we need an #Embrace day for teachers as much as year 7.

Oracy is a program of Virtuous Circles: the more you give, the more you get. Above all, it teaches us the truth of Paul Dix’s words:

‘We have to teach the behaviour we want to see’

We are our students’ best models - we can’t afford to have weak voices. We have to risk being heard so that they will. We have to be 10% braver so they will be. It's hard. Your voice might wobble as mine definitely did this Saturday, but what you give will be returned and more.

It is worth the risk, because you are worth more than you currently are.  You always will be.  There is always another step, another challenge, another way to achieve and having a strong voice will always be a great asset. 

Thanks all @womened for helping me to believe in me.

Listening: The Golden Frame

We have been using Peter Reynold's picture book, 'The Dot' with year seven in their oracy lessons this week.  Picture books can be a really good way to reduce transition anxiety at the start of the new year and really capture their attention.

This fabulous book has all sorts of lessons about the learning journey within it.  I originally bought it for my nervous and shy son, who struggles with struggle and persistently told himself that struggle equals a huge, resolute and scary problem.  Whilst reading it to him, I fell in love with the book; like all the greatest picture books, there is an economy of words - the visuals are equal to the words.  In our school, we use it to explore listening, in particular we use the 'golden frame' within the story as a metaphor for the power of listening - how focus and attention in listening can increase a person's capacity to talk well.

The 'Golden Frame' surrounds Vashti's first dot, the first mark she makes in her art class, where in a state of crisis she tells the teacher she just 'can't draw'.  The teacher meets her struggle calmly, insisting she simply makes a mark and owns it by signing it; once Vashti leaves, the teacher frames the simple dot and hangs it above her desk.  This affirmation spurs Vashti on to open her 'never before used' water colours to paint many dots in many colours and sizes, which are then shown as a collection at the school art show that term. There are so many things that Vashti's school is getting right in her education, because the authentic audience for the gallery sharing of her work is younger learners including a boy who believes he can't 'draw a straight line with a ruler' and who interacts with Vashti, giving her the opportunity to help him make his first mark and pass the inspiration to paint on.

One of our 'catch all' phrases for our oracy work is that 'the quality of talk will not exceed the quality of listening': that to talk well, we need others to listen well.  This is easy to model within the lesson: a volunteer is asked to come up to the front and have a conversation with the teacher twice.  In the first conversation, the teacher listens carefully, focusing on the speaker and smiling encouragingly whilst asking questions to draw points out.  In the second conversation, the teacher loses her focus, turns her back and walks away a little, she asks no questions to develop the talk.  The quality of the talk is diminished by the teacher's negative listening.

The lesson then develops to explore the different messages for us as learners within the book (you’ll have to buy the book to understand these quotes – I promise you its worth it):

• Courage and Resilience - 'just make a mark'
• Humour - 'Ahh, a polar bear in a snow storm'
• Kindness - 'she was surprised to see what was hanging above her teacher's desk'
• Inspiration - 'she opened her never before used set of water colours' 
• Agency and self belief - 'I can make a better dot than that'
• Teacher expectations - 'Just make a mark and see where it takes you'
• Grit - 'Vashti even painted a dot by not painting a dot'

Before drawing all of these ideas towards listening and talk:

• Courage and Resilience - once you've talked once in class talking again gets easier, listening well is the first step in this journey
• Humour - be human with each other, making someone laugh through a reflection on their talk can free them up to talk more
• Kindness - a kind listener hears more
• Inspiration - you are all 'change makers', your listening will inspire others to talk; changing the world involves listening first
• Agency and self belief - by letting our light shine, we give others permission to do the same, by listening well we give others the context in which to shine as talkers
• Teacher expectations - all of your teachers will plan lessons where talk will be significant, they will expect to hear your voice and expect you to hear their's
• Grit - if you keep listening, others will keep trying - remember to use drawing out questions, immerse yourself in what they are telling you, help them to explore their ideas fully

We currently teach these protocols within this lesson and then consistently model them and scaffold student behaviour toward exhibiting them through the year; I picked them up from leading the EEF/Voice21 Research Pilot in school and must acknowledge the huge part this played in developing our work:

• The 3 M's of Listening: Teaching self regulation
• Me Listening
  Attention is focused entirely on themselves.  You are me listening when you are bored or distracted.  Your focus is not in the room.
• Micro Listening
  Your focus is entirely on WHAT the person says verbally, you will be able to remember what they have said, but have not been thinking actively about their words' significance.
• Macro Listening
  Large net listening, absorbing everything the speaker is saying; you've considered their tone of voice, energy, facial expression beyond what they are saying and have started to connect HOW they are talking into your understanding.  Beyond this you may notice what they are NOT saying as much as what they are saying.
  
  PRACTICAL TASK - with the whole group watching say these words 'I'm fine, thanks for asking' firstly as if you really mean them, then as if you really don't - you must indicate this physically both times.  Consider the impact of the voice and body in making meaning.  Try to get the students to find a different statement that can also function like this, e.g. I love you, I hate you, etc.
• The 3 magic keys to good listening: ***CONTENTIOUS KLAXON***
• We continue to teach focusing and accepting as good practice, but in lessons discuss how some students/people find eye contact and tracking a speaker difficult.  Using the social and emotional strand, we consider how necessary these skills are:  they do work for the majority of people, but their absence isn't always an indication of negative listening.  I offer the example that many times in a lesson a student will not have focused on me but immediately shows in a question to me that they have indeed been listening.  We reflect on how it feels different to the speaker if they are met by smiling faces, accepting their words and willingly drawing out the talk.  The audience for talks are part of the process, not passive receptors.

• As teachers we reflected after our #Embrace week last year that as 210 students each gave a speech, the majority of the experience for the majority of the students was listening.  By the end of that week, they understand how key the audience are in helping you to deliver your speech: this lesson prepares them to really enter into that process whole heartedly.
  
  PRACTICAL ACTIVITY: Ask students to talk to each other in triads, use cards to decide what role they will play in the talk (Good listener/Poor listener/Speaker).  The listeners should not identify themselves: the talk must be easy for the speaker such as describing their route to school that morning.  Let the exercise run then ask the speaker for feedback on the listening in their group - look for themes of how the good/poor listening impacted on their ability to continue to talk.
• PROOF OF LISTENING - 
• The direction 'I'd like to see your proof of listening everyone!' has been really helpful to teaching staff.
• Again, it involves the contentious notion that your proof of listening requires eye contact.  We ask each student to consider what their proof of listening would be and offer those behaviours in that moment.
• The key is to focus on their awareness of how they shift to make themselves receptive and encouraging to others as best they can and to recognise the individuality of how this might look
  
  PRACTICAL ACTIVITY:  Ask students in pairs to establish their 3 behaviours that will prove they are listening: stillness, single focus point, ears towards the speaker, eyes up, smile, calm pose, etc.  Then get them to demonstrate them all at the same time - pick three examples that contrast with each other and talk through the differences, noting for the class how they all have their own merits and individuality.  In our school, I would reference our #uniquetogether statement from the school mission statement.

When we started planning our discrete oracy curriculum for year 7, the intention was to teach the implicit expectations about talk explicitly and through this to up skill both students and teachers in using talk more actively in the classroom and beyond.  Daniel Willingham asserts, 'Memory is the residue of thought': a student's talk within the classroom is an expression of their thinking.  If we structure and plan for better talk, we will prompt more focused and developed thought and therefore, memory.  Listening is an implicit part of this process; the clarity in our expectations and standards for listening as teachers will impact on the quality of talk. Teaching and modelling the listening expectations, consistently asserting the standards for how we listen will develop the quality of talk also - it's a virtuous circle based in a culture of mutual respect.

We are now moving into our third year of teaching oracy, the entire of our KS3 have been exposed to a year long discrete oracy curriculum and are either on the way to presenting a speech or have presented a speech in our #Embrace week.  We have had university tutors recognise that students have been taught oracy whilst observing their trainees in our school, however, as the Oracy Lead I recognise that the use of oracy protocols is still patchy and needs further attention to become consistent.  Listening is the cornerstone of most lesson practice and developing a school wide approach to it is key to our success as a school; this year I will be working to establish these behaviour expectations as part of our 'Ready to Learn' rule in school.  I hope this will develop more consistent use of language in how teachers refer to the skill of listening and our listening expectations of every student in every lesson.

This week I set a homework asking the students to look out for a 'Golden Moment' of listening in school to talk about in our next lesson.  I am always able to tell them that my example of a 'Golden Moment' was the way they listened to me reading 'The dot' voicing out all the characters with a rapt and silent audience; at the end of one lesson, three girls said that they had their golden moment already - it was me listening to everyone all lesson.  Blooming marvellous!  We are our students best models in listening and talking, as Paul Dix says 'Model the behaviour you want to see'.

I hope this helps you to have many 'Golden Moments' of listening in your lessons.

In house CPD: Drawing different approaches of great teaching together

What makes great teaching?

This is a discourse question; a brilliant way to start a discussion and generate helpful talk about teaching, but the aim should never be a single answer, because...

Leading a whole evening of CPD where teachers generate their own ideas and provoke interesting discussion based on their existing knowledge and experience of teaching could be an enjoyable CPD event.  It could even provoke some heated moments, however, the pedagogical rigour of a CPD session will be lacking if the session does not move beyond the vernacular of current experience and knowledge in the room.

There currently seems to be a debate on twitter between the need for subject specific CPD versus pedagogy CPD: if you are talking great teaching in whole staff T&L session, the focus needs to be on consensus across departments of the core values for the school in teaching and learning - WHat makes teaching great here?  This consensus can then drive the quality assurance work of the T&L team - see earlier blog here.

To build pedagogical understanding across the CPD session, I'd be tempted to explore some models from other schools and bloggers.  These models should provoke deep thinking and clarify what each teacher knows about the best of their existing practice, whilst probing into how to take it further.

I think I'd start with a whole group introduction of the teacher standards, which give us these headings as the basics of great teaching:

• High expectations
• Promoting good progress and outcomes
• good subject and curriculum knowledge
• Plan and teach well (!)
• Adapt to students strengths/needs
• Manage behaviour effectively
  (https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/665522/Teachers_standard_information.pdf)

Before giving out the models, I'd be tempted to split into working groups for discussions to ensure that every voice within the session is heard and every teaching mind stretched.  You could even set up the models at different tables within the room and have the groups circulate between them as in a carousel lesson.  The choice of the models is going to be key to what is discussed, I'd promote these:

• At Huntington school, their model of 'great teaching' has these headings;
• High expectations
• Range of feedback
• Questions to develop thinking
• Know the students
• Excellent subject knowledge
• Engaging, relevant and purposeful
• Behaviour enhances the learning
• Growth mindset
• Positive contribution to school life
  (https://huntingtonschool.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/Truly-Great-Teaching-September-2016.pdf?x83792)
• Inclusive teaching strategies promoted by Mary Meredith to support social and emotional might cover;
• Consistent routines
• Clear rules
• Relationship building
• Meet and greet
• Modelling empathy and understanding
• Personal connections
  (See twitter account @marymered)

• Ruth Swailes shared these ideas at #BrewEdChezzy (with thanks to Helen P for sharing) for further ways of being an inclusive teacher:

• From Durington school and the work on Shaun Allison and Andy Tharby in their 'Make every lesson count' book series, we have this model and helpful diagram:
  
  
  (https://classteaching.wordpress.com/)
• From the Great Teaching report from the Sutton Trust we have:
• Countent/Pedagogical knowledge
• Quality of instruction
• Classroom climate
• Classroom management
• Teacher beliefs
• Professional behaviours
  (https://www.suttontrust.com/research-paper/great-teaching/)

• From Tom Sherrington's 'Great Teaching: The power of...' we have:

1. Probing
2. Rigour
3. Challenge
4. Differentation
5. Joruneys
6. Explaining
7. Agility
8. Awe
9. Possibilities
10. Joy
    (https://teacherhead.com/2015/05/29/ideas-for-teaching-better-all-in-one-place/)

• From Mark Enser this weekend at ResearchED's national conference we have:

1. Recap
2. Input
3. Application
4. Test

Prior to asking each of the groups to present their list of what makes teaching great in our school I think you have to consider two other areas of our work:

• Current Initiatives and how these should impact on the classroom:
  Our #Oracy initiative would suggest that great teaching includes and promotes great talking by:
• Meeting and greeting - get them talking before they cross the threshold
• Discussion Guidelines
• Time to think alone and in pairs before sharing
• Planned talking activities
• Strong recording practices such as talk detectives or note takers
• Scaffolded talking activities
• Both higher level techniques such as Harkness as well as the basic techniques like referring to the 6 types of talk
• A chance for every voice to be heard
• Little use of 'hands up'
• Links between the talking and writing activities that are exploited for greater gains
• Literacy and Numeracy - how should these be witnessed within the classroom:
  As the literacy lead for our school, I'd be looking for the support and development of literacy through:
• Clear use and promotion of the Literacy Ladder to build vocabulary knowledge (Listening/Talking/Reading/Writing)
• Highlighting the etymology of new words to build understanding and retrieval
• Removable scaffolds that push the student towards independence in talking, reading and writing
• Reading strategies including: skimming, scanning and zooming, teacher reading aloud, students reading aloud, discussions deconstructing the reading, support for students who will struggle such as specific highlighted sections of accessibly readable text or coaching/reflection/praise after the reading task.
• Writing strategies including: group writing, modelled writing, using a WAGOL (What A Good One Looks Like), Deconstruction and construction activities, talking the task before writing the task and links beyond the current task to high/academic literature.

Each Group should report back to the whole staff, but I would save analysis and the final selection of ideas for the middle leaders at a later meeting, where I would push them to really consider data.  Middle Leaders would be asked to attend the meeting with a prepared strengths/weaknesses audit in the teaching and learning in their subject disciplines, which they should have developed within department meetings.  These need to be consolidated together at the start of the meeting and combined to give the team of middle leaders a 'hit list' of practices that need to be targeted in the coming year across departments - ideas for changes in expectations of teachers and learners/students.

The middle leaders should then consolidate the ideas of the whole staff meeting into a single list; the process of doing this should be led by the democratic principles of what was most referenced by staff as well as by the professional judgements of those involved.

The resulting list should then by compared to the 'strengths and weaknesses' audit and adjusted as necessary, practical and reasonable.  At this point middle leaders need to consider how the feedback sheets for observations are designed and tweak them to meet these ends so that all notes, reflections and discussions are targeted towards the agreed 'great teaching' structures.  CPD and line management coaching sessions also need to be tweaked (by paper work if necessary again) to ensure that these agreed skills are subject to training through post observations reflections, coaching and development.

Let me be very clear the intention of this joined up thinking is to support and coach staff into better practice.  This work needs to be about how we raise every professional up towards a challenging and aspirational model of great teaching that has been tailored specifically to the school's context and needs.  Here's a reminder from John Tomsett:

Love over fear, always wins.  By committing to support and train teachers through the quality and quantity of training they receive, the school's outcomes will improve. 

I have never met a teacher, who didn't want to improve and do better for the students in their class, but I have met plenty of teachers who struggle to know where to start and which strategies and ideas to prioritise.  In house CPD is key in every teachers' ability to develop and improve.  Managing CPD effectively is key to reducing the variability of teacher performance - we can talk about attainment gap all we like, what has impact is the teaching every student receives.

Great teaching changes lives.

Great CPD drives it.

Learning about Leading in School

The WHAT of the process: getting the settings right

This used to be the icon for settings back in 1998 when I got my first, brick like mobile phone.  I remember vividly seeing this image and thinking 'That's just like teaching'.  

Odd, but true, let me explain.

In your classroom as a skilled teacher you fine tune activities to yield different learning experiences; for example, when I am introducing a unit of work on theatre design I might start the the lesson with a montage of different openings of productions of the same play and instigate a teacher led discussion about the impact of the design on the same scene with every student engaged in hearing most points.  As the weeks progress in studying theatre design, I will want the students to develop their own concept for the design of our set text and here the discussions will be student led in small groups and then progress to some quiet individual study as concepts begin to be generated and tested out.  An overall lesson might change some of these settings up or down:

The more I mused on this diagram as a teacher, I began to realise that I actually had a settings diagram for each child as well as the lesson plan: students who required more one on one time, students who wouldn't speak up in a whole class discussion but who would talk to me with a small group, students who needed more support with written work.  The diagram scales down to an individual student level and up to a classroom level; what the levels are change depending on who/what they are for

I completed NPQSL in February 2017 and was then asked to function as part of our school's extended leadership team from September 2017.  As my practice and knowledge has developed, I find myself seeing the same settings diagram in my mind for the whole school; it has always seemed to me that the classroom is a good model or microcosm for the school.  The settings diagram might look something like this:

The theory once again following that your choice of variables will be adapted for your school.  For example, schools like Michaela have chosen to up their behaviour controls for students.  Schools like ours have made a commitment to oracy protocols across both teachers and students practice to enhance confidence, trust and independence.  As an SLE I have worked in a variety of settings where different school's give a different accent to their work: heavily prescribed and monitored appraisals or less centrally controlled more teacher directed appraisals, for example.  The variation should be in response to the context of the school and the culture promoted through the senior leadership team: the aim is to get the variables right for the whole school in every classroom for every student.

The very best leaders that I have worked with know their context, students and staff; they have 20/20 vision, cool eyes that do not miss anything, but don't react and it is this that helps them make the best choices - they know the operable variables for their school and exploit them.  They choose the variables to make their vision a reality, their vision gets staff buy in and they manage the logistical practicalities well so that staff and students are engaged in purposeful work in helpful conditions - this is great leadership.

The HOW of the process: Managing vs Leading

When I first started teaching practice, I could either have what felt like bedlam across the drama studio or complete silence as I addressed the class, I struggled to find anywhere in between too much control and not enough.  I could lead well when speaking to the whole class, I could inspire their engagement and get them to understand what I wanted them to do and where the lesson was going, but I couldn't practically manage the class when they were working independently; my instruction and modelling had not sufficiently developed to help them to manage themselves better.  Slowly, I learnt to do better to both lead and manage the classroom.  

That was some 20 years ago now, I have developed into a strong teacher and can manage classes, even multiple classes, well.  I have also developed as a leader of teachers through leading departments, youth theatre networks, faculties, year groups and teams of moderators as an assistant principle moderator.  In the smaller setting of a pastoral team, even the larger setting of faculties or even beyond school working nationally across three teams of moderators, I can lead well getting colleagues to buy into the vision, our purpose in this team and consistently monitor and evaluate progress to ensure that we reach our destination on point, not a couple of yards out.  I can manage well too ensuring that work gets done, employing the necessary logistical structures to allow the team to function well, minimising any obstacles to our progression and ensuring that teachers and students are nurtured and grow through the process and are not undone by it.  

There is a balance to be reached between leading and managing; both are necessary practices in leading a school.  I have known too many leaders who had control without soul and equally too many whose highly wrought vision never becomes a practical reality.  The balance of practical concerns and vision & ethos is key to ensuring a school moves forward purposefully.

The WHY of the process: motivating & engaging the school community

Over the twenty one years of my career in teaching, I have worked in six schools/colleges/educational settings, where I have been led by 9 different head teachers as in three of the six schools the head teacher changed during my time there.  Each of them provided a model for me in what helps me work well and what inspires me.

Trust and Integrity

The head teachers who reached out to me as a person, who took the time to get to know me and who went above and beyond in demonstrating their teaching and leading skills as models.  Those who were unafraid to stand next to me and fail with me in the interest of doing better next time.

Humility - being human

The head teachers, who were able to share the best and worst of their experiences, in order to help me gain perspective on my experiences and grow from them.  The head teacher who owned mistakes and in doing so helped us all to move on.

Humour

There has to be laughter.  The catharsis of shared belly laughs glues our community together. There is no better laugh than that with your colleagues as you help to get each other through the days.

Kindness

Unfortunately, life is a massive journey of ups and downs personally and professionally.  I am so grateful to the head teachers who have gone 'above and beyond' in supporting me.

Respect and Trust

I have always valued the space to work it out for myself and have flourished most when head teachers have respected and trusted in my ability to work it out, who have helped me to grow through coaching me through evaluating and improving my practice.

Mentoring/Coaching

As an experienced teacher in a recruitment and retention crisis stricken profession, I take such heart from the head teachers who are willing to plough their time into building me as a professional. Those who see it as part of their mission to build me up as much as the school and the students, even if I might leave...

As I grow as a leader, I hope to build on these skills.  The best compliment I ever got from a member of my team was a young teacher who reflected that I need never remonstrate her, because she knew what I expected and knew that it was not only possible, but right. If she ever got anything 'wrong', she continued, she was more disappointed in herself than I was and knew I would only ever be interested in helping her to move on.  This is what it is to lead; essentially I want to move the team towards independence and mastery and then focus on other areas of our practice.

'Leader;

anyone who holds him or her self responsible or accountable 

for finding potential in people or processes.'

Brene Brown

So thank you to Ann Coward, Kate Campion, Neil Rathmel, Helen Pegg, Graham Clarke, John Sullivan, Neil Stonehouse, Marie Garside and Ben Davis for the support in making me realise the leader I want to be.  

POST SCRIPT

I have also been lucky to work with some amazing Deputies so thanks also to Mr Wennington, Penny Wysome, Steve Carter (now a head!) and Mike Carroll; you have all been so significant to my practice.

Engaging parents and carers

I had been a teacher for 12 years before I took my daughter to school for the first time.  I'd been a head of year for over half that time and worked closely with parents, but there is no lesson like experience.  Having a children at school is an eye opener as a teacher, living the experience from another stakeholders shoes gives real perspective.  It took another five years for a teacher to greet me with their full name, it was a game changer for me.

At our annual #Embrace week, parents engagement is immense: it exceeds all other events in school and the feedback is overwhelmingly positive.  Parents watch their child give a speech on a subject that they are passionate about in our hall; it provokes all manner of reactions tears, laughter, surprise, empathy... mostly the parents say how much they would have benefited from an experience such as this:

Parents need inspiration, they are as much in need of acts that make them believe in the work of our schools and the commitment of teachers as students are.  Parents need encouragement, they are as much in need of seeing their real child in the process as we are; beyond the targets, statistics and accountability measures... beyond the teenage mood swings, homework battles and daily grind.  Parents are worried and anxious, which has been exacerbated by constant changes and a system in schools that they won't recognise.  They need the reassurance and help that students do.

Parenting is hard, relentless and repetitive.  It doesn't come with a manual; each child's idiosyncratic approach to life will test the parents' will and nerve to breaking points in their own ways.  It's hard and then they do go school and you are judged on everything they do...

It's a relationship based on mutual vulnerability, but personally I would reflect that it is much easier to be the teacher, than the parent.  I will never forget my sage first midwife telling me that I would in time gladly go back to being pregnant, that this was preferable to the child being on the outside.  I must have looked incredulous (I wasn't very good at being pregnant, it didn't suit me, I didn't bloom), because the midwife then said these fateful words, "From the day they are born you wear your heart on the outside of your chest."  And you do... 

Parents were also students once and bring a lot of what they experienced then to your table.  It's hard to return to a place where you did not thrive, harder still to believe that your child will be able to thrive and harder even still to give your child the confidence to be ok.  Like much of what we do as teachers, engaging parents and carers is fraught with the needs of the whole person when we're trying to be 'just teachers'.  I don't like these posters, but I get where they come from

I think what is helpful to remember is that you are the professional in the relationship; you have a professional duty to represent yourself and the school well.  If you can leverage the 'buy in' of the parent, you will have more leverage with the student.  When all the stakeholders work together (teacher/parent/student) everyone does better.

How do you do that? Here's my top 10:

1. Introduce yourself as a person, Bec Tulloch, not Mrs Tulloch, the teacher role you play.  Shake hands and ensure that you listen as much as you talk.  Use eye contact and talk with them as an equal.
2. If you are meeting to discuss a difficulty, talk to the parent first and only invite the student in when you are both in agreement about how to proceed.  Students do not need to see the two important adults in their life arguing.  Agree an action plan and stick to it, set a meeting/phonecall up in the near future to review what you've all done (parents get action points as well as students and you as the teacher) make sure you celebrate the successes and continue to address any remaining issues.
3. Invite them into school, share brilliant work on an afternoon or evening after school.  Use postcards and notes in diaries to promote the positives; see this as putting pennies in the bank with them before ever having to take any out.  My subject as a Drama teacher lends itself so well to this practice, but there will be ways for every single subject to do this.
4. Stay in regular contact via emails or blogs:  keep them informed about the plan for the term or the focus for work at home.  I love google classroom for this.  I blog most lessons in terms of class resources and suggest other places to go for further information.  Equally the 'in touch' function on SIMS is useful for sending quick messages home with reminders and advice.
5. Hold a meeting to brief parents about the next needs in your subject/area of school life.  For the Oracy work that we run in year seven, I always get myself a slot in the year 6 induction evening with parents and take students with me.  The students exhibit their jaw breakingly good skills, whilst I get to talk to the parents and ensure buy in for our week of speeches #Embrace.
6. Plot which parents attend parents evening by postcode.  Work out which areas of your catchment have the lowest engagement with school functions and then hold some functions in their area.  Use a feeder primary school or a church's function room or even the local pub's function room.  Run events that would make a difference to those children there: literacy catch up sessions, numeracy support sessions, homework support sessions - invite other agencies along to work with you.  Train the parents up to support the students at home, be open to helping them through resources, time and extension tasks: for example, a parents briefing on the #oracy or metacognition initiatives you are running in school.
7. In a telephone call, always ask if they have time to speak to you then and there and if they don't organise a mutually convenient time.  Be prepared to acknowledge and work around their busy lives as much as you need them to do the same. 
8. Give the parent and child time out together in school.  Be prepared to leave them in the room together and come back into the room at an agreed time.  The parent and the child need you to hear their story as much as you need them to hear yours; work with a view towards consensus and a better tomorrow.  Try to find ways forward, rather than retreading the wrongs of last lesson.
9. Show them the person, behind the role.  I often find myself sharing the struggles that I have had as a parent with my children; their struggles socially or my struggles with their schools.  You have to risk a little to get a little - faith breeds faith.
10. LISTEN.  Be open to their views.  They know their child, they may not have the answers for you as a teacher that you want, but they will give you nuggets of information about that student that will help you find the way in and in turn help you to safe guard the student's education or selves.  Try to hear where this family might need help, then make sure you share this understanding with all the teachers of that student.

I often find myself saying to students that I might not be able to change their world and solve all their problems, but I can safe guard their future through a strong education.  I can help them to understand the world better, understand themselves better and achieve more through their education.

You have the power to change lives through education through qualifications sometimes, but mostly, by helping them to learn to be themselves, to find their way.  Sometimes we have to acknowledge that school doesn't work for everyone, we have to search for the intelligent inconsistencies and the reasonable adjustments that this child and family need.

Just like it was when you were a teen the process is trying, difficult and tiring. 

Just like it is for you with your children and their teachers and as it was for your parents and teachers with you.

Be their professional, honest, kind and respectful teacher.

Stay in role enough to keep it together, but not so much that you become oblique.

Be the person you needed when you were young.

Be the person who sees their light, as well as their darkness.

I wrote this blog on the results day of 2018, this was my favourite conversation from the day with a student, whose parents I spoke to a lot.  Even when the results aren't all you'd hoped for, there is still hope.

Then I got this from a student later that night.  A student whose parents I was on first name terms with, whose best mark was in drama and who needed a good few intelligent inconsistencies, but boy, did he thrive! #oscarhopes